A common way of coping with our grief as it evolves is to fulfill unmet promises and honor legacies left by the deceased. We are demonstrating our love for them and healing our shattered hearts by being intentional about actions that celebrate our relationship to the person who died.
Not long before my high school graduation, I learned that a few of the students’ mothers had created a scholarship in my mom’s name. It was to be awarded to a graduating senior who was pursuing music or the arts. The music program at our school was started because of my brother, and I was in theatre and played piano or violin when a play or holiday called for it. My mom was an artist. The award was fitting. As far as I know, the scholarship still exists. Her name lives on at The Awty International School.
It was both inspiring and healing to see that a group of women took the initiative to create that scholarship. They did it to celebrate my mom’s life and show my brother, my dad, and me that they cared about us. What it told me was that my mom made an impact on them, and their efforts were a way of coping for them. They kept my mom’s name and legacy going while they grieved.
I am often asked about legacy building ideas to honor someone who is dying or died. There are countless ways we can leave our own legacy or ensure someone’s legacy remains known to their community. We don’t all have the ability to create scholarships, but we all have the ability to reflect on who a person was, what was important to them, and how to use those things to ensure people remember them.
Perhaps your family always walked in the same park, and you can dedicate a park bench to your loved one (with or without a sentence that is a subtle nod to who they were or why that spot is special). Maybe they loved a school or sports team, and you can purchase a brick or stadium seat with a similar dedication to it as the aforementioned park bench.
My grandmother was known for sewing man in her church a Christmas bow tie. If anyone new started attending their church, by Christmas they would have a bowtie with Christmas decorations on it that was handmade by my grandmother. She did this for decades, and generations of men wore their bowties every Christmas Eve. At her funeral, everyone wore their bow ties. No one planned it. All the men did it to honor her on their own, and the sight of a sanctuary full of red bowties was healing to all who were present or heard about it later.
You can also fulfill promises that were made between you and the person who died, or you can do something they always dreamed of doing but never got to. Later this summer, I’m doing both. You’ll hear more about it as it comes, but I am fulfilling a promise my mom made to me and a dream she had for herself. Thankfully, it’s the same thing.
I wonder what you can create or do to honor the dog, horse, or person in your life. How can you keep their legacy going?
Keeping loved one's legacy alive is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing some ideas!